Faithfully Frazzled

11/26/2023

It’s closing in on 3 pm, Sunday afternoon. The usual choir director is still recuperating after breaking her femur about a month ago which means I directed Divine Liturgy this morning. My brain is mush at the moment because I’m still on the bronchitis struggle bus but every fiber of my being is focused on completing my first offering to the blogosphere gods. Such is the life of a fully grown woman with ADHD hyper focus. Must do the thing! Must not let fatigue or common sense stop you from doing the thing! In truth, there is nothing profound that is just itching to pour forth from my heart – just an intense urge to try to articulate what it’s like to exist in a neuro-typical world while inhabiting a decidedly neuro-diverse brain. 

Today, the Russian roulette mechanism that decides which chronic illness rules my body landed on POTS, or Postural Orthostatic Hypertension Syndrome. I have the form of this condition that makes my blood pressure spike and my heart rate skyrocket. You can imagine that as a choir director this means that, even though I’m taking a beta blocker to regulate my symptoms, my body thinks I’ve just run a 5K. The exercise ring on my Apple Watch was closed even before my husband started his sermon! Oof! Because the choir is so lovely to direct I am able to muddle through but, unfortunately, this means that I’m missing out on the movie my family’s going to watch soon. Life with chronic illness is all about choices, I’ve been learning. I can choose one activity a day after which I’m down for the count. I’ll probably just lie on the heating pad and turn on a British mystery to pass the time. 

In any case, if you’re reading this I hope your day is peaceful and blessed. Thanks for being with me on the outset of this journey!
– Mama E